The unicycle has gone motorized.
The Uno contains 2.5 hours of travel on one charge.
At top speed, it goes 25 miles per hour.
Coming soon...
-G$
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Uno
The world of unicycling has been turned upside down....
The unicycle has gone motorized.
The Uno contains 2.5 hours of travel on one charge.
The unicycle has gone motorized.
The Uno contains 2.5 hours of travel on one charge.
Friday, May 2, 2008
French Military "Victories"
The following happened when I googled "French Military Victories" and clicked, I'm feeling lucky.
The following came from http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html. Thank you to the guys over at Albino Black Sheep
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
T-Lark
The following came from http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html. Thank you to the guys over at Albino Black Sheep
- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
- Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
T-Lark
Monday, April 28, 2008
From the Ostrich Beak 2
This is From the Ostrich Beak, the Ostrich Blog Song of the Week showcase.
Name: Déjà Vu
Artist: CPR (original song from Crosby, Stills, And Nash)
Song:
If you like this song, add it to your collection. Buy CPR Live at Wiltern at your local CD shop.
Lyrics:
If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do
Don't you?
If I had ever been here before on another time around the wheel
I would probably know just how to deal
With all of you.
And I feel
Like I've been here before
Feel
Like I've been here before
And you know
It makes me wonder
What's going on under the ground
Do you know?
Don't you wonder?
What's going on down under you.
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
Picked by B-Tell and GUY
Arranged by A-Fox
Name: Déjà Vu
Artist: CPR (original song from Crosby, Stills, And Nash)
Song:
If you like this song, add it to your collection. Buy CPR Live at Wiltern at your local CD shop.
Lyrics:
If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do
Don't you?
If I had ever been here before on another time around the wheel
I would probably know just how to deal
With all of you.
And I feel
Like I've been here before
Feel
Like I've been here before
And you know
It makes me wonder
What's going on under the ground
Do you know?
Don't you wonder?
What's going on down under you.
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
We have all been here before
Picked by B-Tell and GUY
Arranged by A-Fox
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Name that Tune
Here is a hint, It's one of my favorite songs and its been featured on the blog before.
F-Cat
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Notes on the Heartland
So, for those of you who don't know, I have been on road trip for the past few days. On the flight to Chicago, and then on to St. Louis, I formed a general opinion about the interior of our nation--it's boring as hell. While I am sure this is true about part of the country, it certainly isn't for all of it. The places I saw were rather interesting. Because of traveling times, I had only 1 day to see the third largest inland port in the US, St. Louis. I saw the once great Union Station. Once a huge train terminal, it now serves as a shopping mall. While interesting, I think I would have liked it better as a train station. I traveled to the top of the Saint Louis Arch.
It was interesting, but we took longer getting to the top and the bottom. The elevator was unnerving no matter who you ask, 5 people are stuffed into a small round pod that resembles a pea that is no more than 4 feet tall at its tallest. The doors shut you in and you're stuck for the next 4 minutes and the 3 minutes down.
The tram is a monorail so at the bottom you hang from the bottom of the track and when you arrive at the top you are sitting on top of the track. To make this possible, the car is not always level, so the occupants are tipped sideways until a motor levels the car. After the Arch, I went on a riverboat tour on the Mississippi River which was interesting but disappointing.
First, it was wet out so I stayed inside, second, the operators were not quite nice they were deceptive. The boat looked like it was a paddle wheel, but the wheel didn't work; I was looking towards the wheel. That evening, we went to a Cardinals game, which was a blowout.
We left early because it was cold and I was sick. The next morning I awoke rather early for the drive accross the state of Mossouri. Before the shot across the state, a stop was made at the Meramec Caverns. They are a collection of caves with cave formations. The tour included a stop at the end with a playing of music and a light show. The remainder of the drive to KC and that afternoon was uneventful. The day after began one of the more interesting parts of the trip. I awoke rather early and the drive to the Maxwell Wildlife Refuge in Canton, Kansas began. We took I-70 west and after a stop for breakfast, the long haul began. Our trip had begun in St. Louis and I was caught up in The feeling of Westward Expansion and would've loved to continue on to Cafilornia (prounced as spelled). We drove across the state making fairly good time. After leaving the interstate things slowed down a bit as we went on 2 lane state roads for 40 miles due south of Canton (not china). I finally saw small town America, and its small town America that's being hit hardest by this recession. At least half of the store fronts we closed down. At the Maxwell Wildlife Refuge, just outside of Canton, we met 2 residents of the town, a husband and wife team. They were quite nice, and the man, Owen, took us on a private tour in his Suburban. We drove right into a heard of cow bison and their cavles!
He talked to us about the problems of the bison and elk that we saw along with problems of the country as a whole. After the tour, we got right back on the road and headed for Abilene. I got a chance to have a look in at the Eisenhower Presidential Library,
which wasn't great because Eisenhower did absolutely nothing as president (except build the interstates) I also sent a postcard to A-Fox. It said "If there's one place I never thought I'd go... It's Kansas." Then it was straight back to KC. The next day was our only day to see KC. First we went to the museums at 18th and Vine, which in the same building housed the Jazz museum and the Negro Leagues Museum, it was OK, but not what I really wanted to do. I had my sights set on the Harley Davidson factory, but we missed the last tour. After that we went to the Truman Presidential Library in Independence, which was SO much cooler than Eisenhower because he was a much cooler president. They gave me a pin to make because it's an election year, when I get around to it, I'll make it say "OBAMA '08." Then for the last bit of the trip, we went to a Royals game. The park was beautiful, with fountains, fireworks, and the largest HD scoreboard in MLB.
It looked cool from the outside too, as did the Cheifs' stadium. The Royals, however haven't been good for about 30 years, and the final score was Indians 15-Royals-1. The Royals didn't score till the bottom of the ninth inning. The next day we flew out of KCI, which was great because there was no line for security, they have 2 metal detectors next to every 4 gates. At the airport, we got shirts that say "LEAVENWORTH PENITENTIARY, A GATED COMMUNITY." After the stop in Chicago, H-Dog held up the entire plane because he refused to stow his bag of DVDs and food under the seat; the flight attendant stuck it in her closet for him. So ended one of the oddest, yet coolest vacations I've been on yet.
Very truly yours,
F-CAT
It was interesting, but we took longer getting to the top and the bottom. The elevator was unnerving no matter who you ask, 5 people are stuffed into a small round pod that resembles a pea that is no more than 4 feet tall at its tallest. The doors shut you in and you're stuck for the next 4 minutes and the 3 minutes down. The tram is a monorail so at the bottom you hang from the bottom of the track and when you arrive at the top you are sitting on top of the track. To make this possible, the car is not always level, so the occupants are tipped sideways until a motor levels the car. After the Arch, I went on a riverboat tour on the Mississippi River which was interesting but disappointing. First, it was wet out so I stayed inside, second, the operators were not quite nice they were deceptive. The boat looked like it was a paddle wheel, but the wheel didn't work; I was looking towards the wheel. That evening, we went to a Cardinals game, which was a blowout.We left early because it was cold and I was sick. The next morning I awoke rather early for the drive accross the state of Mossouri. Before the shot across the state, a stop was made at the Meramec Caverns. They are a collection of caves with cave formations. The tour included a stop at the end with a playing of music and a light show. The remainder of the drive to KC and that afternoon was uneventful. The day after began one of the more interesting parts of the trip. I awoke rather early and the drive to the Maxwell Wildlife Refuge in Canton, Kansas began. We took I-70 west and after a stop for breakfast, the long haul began. Our trip had begun in St. Louis and I was caught up in The feeling of Westward Expansion and would've loved to continue on to Cafilornia (prounced as spelled). We drove across the state making fairly good time. After leaving the interstate things slowed down a bit as we went on 2 lane state roads for 40 miles due south of Canton (not china). I finally saw small town America, and its small town America that's being hit hardest by this recession. At least half of the store fronts we closed down. At the Maxwell Wildlife Refuge, just outside of Canton, we met 2 residents of the town, a husband and wife team. They were quite nice, and the man, Owen, took us on a private tour in his Suburban. We drove right into a heard of cow bison and their cavles! He talked to us about the problems of the bison and elk that we saw along with problems of the country as a whole. After the tour, we got right back on the road and headed for Abilene. I got a chance to have a look in at the Eisenhower Presidential Library, which wasn't great because Eisenhower did absolutely nothing as president (except build the interstates) I also sent a postcard to A-Fox. It said "If there's one place I never thought I'd go... It's Kansas." Then it was straight back to KC. The next day was our only day to see KC. First we went to the museums at 18th and Vine, which in the same building housed the Jazz museum and the Negro Leagues Museum, it was OK, but not what I really wanted to do. I had my sights set on the Harley Davidson factory, but we missed the last tour. After that we went to the Truman Presidential Library in Independence, which was SO much cooler than Eisenhower because he was a much cooler president. They gave me a pin to make because it's an election year, when I get around to it, I'll make it say "OBAMA '08." Then for the last bit of the trip, we went to a Royals game. The park was beautiful, with fountains, fireworks, and the largest HD scoreboard in MLB. It looked cool from the outside too, as did the Cheifs' stadium. The Royals, however haven't been good for about 30 years, and the final score was Indians 15-Royals-1. The Royals didn't score till the bottom of the ninth inning. The next day we flew out of KCI, which was great because there was no line for security, they have 2 metal detectors next to every 4 gates. At the airport, we got shirts that say "LEAVENWORTH PENITENTIARY, A GATED COMMUNITY." After the stop in Chicago, H-Dog held up the entire plane because he refused to stow his bag of DVDs and food under the seat; the flight attendant stuck it in her closet for him. So ended one of the oddest, yet coolest vacations I've been on yet.Very truly yours,
F-CAT
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Average Life Expectancy of Different States and Time Periods
Want to know the average life expectancy of your state? Click Here. (Sorry for all of those in Canada, Mexico, South America, Africa, Asia, Europe, Antarctica, Australia, and Sealand who would like to find out their average lifespan. Perhaps your average lifespan may be obtained through other means)
Au Revoir,
A-Fox
Au Revoir,
A-Fox
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
From the Ostrich Beak (Ostrich Blog Song of the Week)
This is From the Ostrich Beak, the Ostrich Blog Song of the Week showcase.
Name: Superstition
Artist: Stevie Wonder
Song:
If you like this song, add it to your collection. To purchase this song on iTunes, CLICK HERE
Lyrics: Very superstitious, writings on the wall,
Very superstitious, ladders bout to fall,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past.
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way
Very superstitious, wash your face and hands,
Rid me of the problem, do all that you can,
Keep me in a daydream, keep me goin strong,
You dont wanna save me, sad is my song.
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way, yeh, yeh.
Very superstitious, nothin more to say,
Very superstitious, the devils on his way,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin glass,
Seven years of bad luck, good things in your past
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way, no, no, no
Selected by B-Tell and GUY!
Post by A-Fox
Name: Superstition
Artist: Stevie Wonder
Song:
If you like this song, add it to your collection. To purchase this song on iTunes, CLICK HERE
Lyrics: Very superstitious, writings on the wall,
Very superstitious, ladders bout to fall,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin glass
Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past.
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way
Very superstitious, wash your face and hands,
Rid me of the problem, do all that you can,
Keep me in a daydream, keep me goin strong,
You dont wanna save me, sad is my song.
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way, yeh, yeh.
Very superstitious, nothin more to say,
Very superstitious, the devils on his way,
Thirteen month old baby, broke the lookin glass,
Seven years of bad luck, good things in your past
When you believe in things that you dont understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way, no, no, no
Selected by B-Tell and GUY!
Post by A-Fox
Ostrich Blog Newsletter
Sorry about the recent dearth of posts, but the Ostrich is back with some new posts, polls, podcasts, staff, and a new section of the blog bringing us to OB2.6. In OB2.6, a new weekly segment called From the Ostrich Beak. This segment introduces viewers to a new, quality song each week. An iTunes link will be displayed to purchase said music. Underneath, lyrics will be displayed (if there are lyrics) as well as album art. The weekly selection will be picked out by freelancer, B-Tell, and newcomer GUY! (gē), and are arranged by me, A-Fox. Any suggestions of songs Welcome to the team GUY!. All recommendations can be sent to us through the Aim Widget on the sidebar, or (preferably) through the Blog Email (Ostrichfanmail@gmail.com). In other news, our technical difficulties have been resolved and our monthly OCast should be back in action shortly. Other than that, just minor changes. Check later for the first From the Ostrich Beak.
Cheers,
A-Fox
Cheers,
A-Fox
Monday, April 14, 2008
Ostrich Blog Sing Along; Chacarron
Chacarron
Chacarron, Chacarron, Chacarron, Chacarron, ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus, alsualsualualauusualulus
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron,, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron, n', Chacarron,, aliluliron, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron
aluealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus, alsualsualualauusualulus ...ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus, alsualsualualauusualulus
(refrain:)
(refrain 2:)
Chacarron, Chacarro (3x)
Dududadede dudadade do guduguda dubu Chacarron
Bana blue
Macarro.
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron,, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, aluealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus alsualsualualauusualulus ...ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus alsualsualualauusualulus
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron Chacarron, n', Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron, Chacarron
Chacarron, Chacarron
Chacarron, Chacarron,
ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus, alsualsualualauusualulus ...ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus,,, alsualsualualauusualulus
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron,, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron Chacarron, n, Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron
ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus, alsualsualualauusualulus ...ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus alsualsualualauusualulus
(refrain:)
(refrain 2:)
Dududadede dudadadedo guduguda dubu Chacarron
Bana blueendubu tu
Macarrs a ro
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron,, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, aluealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus alsualsualualauusualulus ...ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus alsualsualualauusualulus
Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron, Chacarron, Chacarron, aliluliron, Chacarron, Chacarron
Thursday, April 10, 2008
How To Handle The Jerk Next To You On An Airplane
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case. 2. Remove your laptop. 3. Start up 4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you can see the screen. 5. Close your eyes, join your palms together, tilt your head up to the sky & move your lips as if praying 6. Then hit the link
Click Here | digg story
Click Here | digg story
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
APPLE POLL
We at the Ostrich Blog have been conducting a survey of some patrons at various apple store. We, F-Cat and A-Fox, make it a point to go to Apple stores where ever we go. We add our screen names onto the buddy lists at these stores. Due to an unexpected stroke of luck, F-Cat stumbled upon a list of all the apple stores, their locations, square footage, and most importantly for us, their store numbers. The screen names for the apple stores are formed in with the following formula:
ars###.***, with the #'s representing the apple store ID, and the *'s representing the computer numbers. With this information we were able to guess screen names for apple stores we had never been to such as Rome and Ontario. The following are responses for the favorite farm animals of the people we polled. They are ordered from least responses to most.
GOAT & CHICKEN - tied for one response each.
This response for goat came in from the apple store at 104 West 14th street in the meatpacking district of NYC.
This response for chicken came from the Apple store at 49&5th it NYC right next to Columbus Circle and FAO Schwartz
PIG-2 Responses
This response came from the apple store in the Walt Whitman mall on Long Island, next to the house where famed poet Walt Whitman was born.
This response came from the Apple store in the RomaEast mall in Rome, Italy; the only apple store in Italy.
HORSES-we have 2 responses for horses.
This response came from the West 14th street Apple Store.
This response came from the 5th Ave apple Store.
COW was the winner with 3 responses.
The following 2 responses came from the W14 street.
This response came from the Walt Whitman Apple Store.
The following chats are quite comical, but did not yield any responses.
This chat came from the Apple Store in Ontario, Canada.
This chat came from the 5th Ave Apple store.
ars###.***, with the #'s representing the apple store ID, and the *'s representing the computer numbers. With this information we were able to guess screen names for apple stores we had never been to such as Rome and Ontario. The following are responses for the favorite farm animals of the people we polled. They are ordered from least responses to most.
GOAT & CHICKEN - tied for one response each.
This response for goat came in from the apple store at 104 West 14th street in the meatpacking district of NYC.
This response for chicken came from the Apple store at 49&5th it NYC right next to Columbus Circle and FAO Schwartz
PIG-2 Responses
This response came from the apple store in the Walt Whitman mall on Long Island, next to the house where famed poet Walt Whitman was born.
This response came from the Apple store in the RomaEast mall in Rome, Italy; the only apple store in Italy.
HORSES-we have 2 responses for horses.
This response came from the West 14th street Apple Store.
This response came from the 5th Ave apple Store.
COW was the winner with 3 responses.
The following 2 responses came from the W14 street.
This response came from the Walt Whitman Apple Store.
The following chats are quite comical, but did not yield any responses.
This chat came from the Apple Store in Ontario, Canada.
This chat came from the 5th Ave Apple store.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Paper Work is Good for Something
When the captain of the USS Skipjack, a submarine, submitted a request for toilet paper, it was denied. The reason, the material "could not be identified." The captain sent the navy a letter describing what the seamen have had to do without the material and a sample of the material reqeusted. The seamen used the incoming unnecessary paper work. Click the here to read the letter from the Skipjack to the navy yard at Mare Island.
Cheers,
F-Cat
Cheers,
F-Cat
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